Sunday Keynote
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- 2011 Keynote Info -
"A Time Travelogue"
By Rich Stadtmiller
Rich will be presenting a selection of images captured along the way and reviewing what he has learned in his interactions with well over 10,000 individuals.
Rich Stadtmiller is the force behind RichTrove.com. Containing over 1000 galleries comprising over 140,000 images and spanning over a decade, it is arguably the SF Bay Area's most extensive on-line GLBT image archive. (http://www.richtrove.com/)
Among his other credits, Rich organized and financially backed the Hayward Pride Street Festival in 2005 and 2006. Rich was an early supporter and official photographer for Leather Levi Weekend for several years. He has also been the official photographer for Leather Levi weekend, SF Leather Pride Contingent, Mr SF Leather, Ms SF Leather, International Ms Leather, International LeatherSir/boy, International Bear Rendezvous and Bare Chest Calendar events.
In addition to the RichTrove Archive, Rich's credited images have appeared in "A Bear's Life" magazine, The Leather Journal, SF Bay Times, Gloss Magazine, Bay Area Reporter and BARTAB magazine. (http://www.sfbaytimes.com/article_p.php?article_id=6521)
His work has been recognized by the Alameda County Leather Corps, Imperial and Ducal Courts, the California Senate, the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence, the Pantheon of Leather and in 2009 was awarded the first Mr Marcus Hernandez Memorial Community Service Award by the SF Bay Area Alliance (SFBALA).
Rich was a presenter on leather spirituality at Leather Leadership Conference 12 and other venues. He has also presented at the SF Leather Discussion Group, LLC 12, and for Sacramento Valley Leather Corps on the importance of preserving memory.
Since 2007, he has sponsored an annual Healing party to reclaim the memories of the HIV era and to celebrate its everyday heroes.
Rich has been with Defenders (leather spirituality group) in DC and SF since 1992, is an honorary member of the Alameda County Leather Corps and a Prince of the Realm in the SF Imperial Court.
Rich has lived in the Bay area since 1994 with Patrick, his lover of 23 years.
Keynote Speech: 2011 Northwest Leather Celebration
Rich Stadtmiller
Good Morning to you all. Happy Rapture day.
About a dozen years ago, I was in a workshop/brainstorming session on community building covering the usual topics: Engaging the youth and their energy, widening the tent without losing focus, making institutions and organizations more relevant. Sound familiar?
I pulled into myself back as the conversation faded into the hum of the lights.
From inside me came this voice I rarely hear that said "If you want to build community, tell me a story"
In the years since, I have learned what this means to me, how much it means to me, and why it means so much to me. We'll revisit this later.
Back story: 1994-1999
My lover Patrick and I moved to the Bay Area in '94 from DC. After a tumultuous time making the move, we made a pact: "Boring is good". As members of Defenders (a leather spirituality group), we kept a hand in the community at their beer busts, street fair booths, and a couple of the all club events.
I typically ended up being the one with a (film) camera to mark the events. I would get double prints and organize the prints in (physical) albums. People could view them and take any duplicate shots as a gesture of good will. Even at this point I realized that sharing moments was as important as capturing them.
2000-2002: (video background: Part 1 on YouTube)
In 2000, I got one of them there new fangled digital cameras and an expensive 17" LCD monitor.
At the
Defenders' leather campouts
and the
Leather Levi Weekend
s that followed, I would set up near real time slide shows as the weekend progressed. It was wonderful, yet frustrating. Beautiful setting, wonderful people, clothing optional, but with privacy concerns. It's torture to be given the chance to take incredibly beautiful shots one can do nothing with.
2003:
In 2003 I became acquainted with the
Alameda County Leather Corps
. It was the first time I was able to see men and women happily playing together. After all, back in DC the only visible women in the leather community tended to be the angry separatists.
I was struck the first time I saw
Gay boys happily lining up to get their tushes caned from a FemDom
.
Over time, I have gone from "Well now I've seen everything" to the phrase "This was NOT in the handbook." and eventually, "O.K. sure, why not?"
In this period, I would create CDs of images for the groups. Unfortunately, the time it would take for them to upload the images to their web sites was pretty bad.
I also was in full swing in my alternate persona "Santa Cruise". It's amazing how much more one can get away with by wearing a leather Santa suit. "Come here little boy, sit on Santa's, uhm, lap"
2004:
2004 was a watershed year for me. After working in software for 30 years, I was considering moving on. In the beginning of the year, the question was
"What kind of crazy guy would quit a good paying job to 'find himself'?
"
After a small mishap, the question changed to
"How many healthy years do I have left and do I really want to spend them in a cubicle?"
So, near the end of the year, I decided to cash in what was left of my stock options, intending to spend a year or two finding out what I would be doing if I didn't have to worry about putting food on the table.
Little did I know what was in store
.
2005:
I started photography full time at the beginning of 2005.
My goals were to
"develop my craft, build a reputation and give back to my community"
.
I do occasionally get razzed by friends about the worries I had at the time: "Are there any camera friendly gay venues? Can I get any decent shots without getting thrown out or beaten up? Would anyone be interested in seeing them?"
I also did not want to have the same issues of privacy I had with shots from LLW.
I began with the Bare Chest Calendar Semifinals.
That spring, I hosted a Leather Levi Weekend Reunion party, sharing the a slide show of shots of LLW with authorized viewers.
Ready to come out as a photographer, I created RichTrove.com as a showcase. Besides, the CD distribution was tedious. I figured my workload to go down once I used a website instead of CDs (pause for laughter)
I connected with many other groups that year. They add up over time.
Word to the wise: Typically one does not cover an annual event only once.
2006:
In 2006, I covered my first Imperial Coronation. I slowly caught on to the fact that everyone in the audience would be on the runway at one point or another.
Needless to say, I took a lot of pictures.
One welcome piece of feedback came from this.
One person said: "Even if I had not been physically present, I would have still been able to get a complete sense of the experience from your pictures." Since then, folks occasionally talk about being able to be at events they did not attend (due to illness or geography)
I covered my first Mr. SF Leather that year. The most telling point was seeing the winner after the contest so moved by the moment. It was one of those moments that allowed me to see icons as real people. I hesitated to publish a moment so intimate, but he gladly gave me permission. I later offered to document his journey to Intl Mr Leather, because it was likely to be a blur.
At one point, I realized that I was gassing up the car for the third time in one week. I took a hard look at the compulsive nature of the volunteer work I was doing.
So I began the VoluNon.org web site, a supposedly mythical support system for compulsive volunteers. Creating the 100 item Voluntitis quiz was a cathartic exercise and it struck a chord with others (Have you ever caught yourself saying "Which meeting is this"? Ever spent $200 to raise $100 for charity?) I created the quiz in three days, making me wonder if it was a hilarious parody or a desperate cry for help ;-) I have since published the VoluNon Black and Blue Book, available online.
At a holiday party, a young man said to me "Daddy, what was life like before AIDS?"
In the span of a fraction of a second, I went through several emotional phases. Lord, I felt old. There was also the desire to say "You missed the roller coaster ride, but you missed the train wreck that followed.
The more notable point was being reminded that not everyone had shared the same experiences that I did. Obvious when you think of it, but who thinks of it?
2007: (video background: Part 2 on YouTube)
By 2007, I had formulated two main soapboxes:
"It's important to preserve your memories" and "Who takes care of the caretakers?"
Early in the year, I walked away from a car crash that could have easily killed me. I was glad I wasn't injured, but so-so on having survived, at least until the reactions of friends reminded me that I wanted to continue building my connections with friends and acquaintances. I didn't want it to go like last time.
Last time? Last time? Suddenly, I was overwhelmed by many long suppressed memories of the early 80's and the people I had lost to HIV/AIDS. My long running survivor guilt came to the surface, along with the shame of knowing I had tried to kill off the memories of that time.
So when I was asked to do a presentation for the Leather Discussion Group, I used half of it to describe the chaos of the times and my suppression of those memories. How important is preserving your memories? Ask Rip van Winkle, as he tries to scrape together the remaining pieces of memories long hidden.
I got this response from one of the people there:
"I was one of the first to sero-convert. I thought my treatment as a pariah was me, but I now realize that it was merely the panic of the time. I now think I can begin the (mental/emotional) healing process."
Two parts of the Memory/Healing party I sponsored later that year were in place:
People need a safe space to reclaim their memories and allow them time to process.
2007 also saw the sudden death of Alden Spafford, a major worker behind the scenes in our community for 50 or more years. It's human nature to assume that someone who has been part of the scene forever would never disappear.
For whatever reason, I found myself at the mike. "Death is like a thief in the night. One never knows when or where. There is one way we can honor Alden and give purpose to his sudden passing:
If you have something to say, say it now. If you have something to do, do it now. I also noted how much better it would be if there was a way to share stories about someone while they are still here"
That year, International Ms Leather returned to San Francisco. Needless to say, the experience was an eye opener. I can still remember that first day, checking into the hotel. There I was, surrounded by big bad leather dykes, wondering how they would react to a Gay boy intruding on their space. After all, I still remembered the angry separatists from DC. Luckily, they took me under their wing. I can now say that I was raised by a pack of wild Lesbians.
That year I also covered the Northwest Master/slave contest. This was my first major introduction to a kinky group with a large heterosexual component. I was surprised how much privacy was an issue. This was especially so for one couple, with whom I reviewed my images to delete any with the back of their heads visible. I was happy to do so.
The major issue was about parents and the risk of losing their children. Obvious when I think about it, but why would I have thought about it?
I also realized that as a Gay Leatherman, I was able to come out in stages: first as a gay man and then into leather. For most kinky mixed gender couples, there is only one giant leap, and the support systems I take for granted are not there to any major degree.
International Mr. Leather 2007 was quite an intense four day experience. In fact, I could have filled this entire talk from what I experienced there. Here are a few of the stories.
A small digression: The first time my lover and I went to the island of Kaua'i, our host had us look at the jungle covered hills. "Initially, all you will be able to see is greeeeen. As you become acclimated, you will be able to see the gradations of texture and shading that are there"
I can still remember the first day I got to IML, going down the escalator to the Thursday night cocktail party. Instead of greeeeen, it was beeeef, as I encountered wall to wall to wall leather clad stud muffins. I was both exhilarated and dejected, knowing that there were more people that I could possibly capture, even digitally. The following quick excerpt will give you a feeling of what it was like on my side of the camera. Does the phrase "Sensory Overload" ring a bell?
In fact, about 24 hours in, I found myself saying "I cannot take another picture." I dumped the camera off in my room and came back down do. WIthin minutes of coming out of the elevator, at least three different people asked me "Where's your camera?" "Oh, you must know Rich. He's the one collared to the camera. I'm his evil twin brother Dick. And when Dick comes out, trouble ensues."
People have since mentioned how they wish they had an evil twin to blame things on.
One on my signature poses these days is the stereo kiss. The first of these was of the three top finalists of the contest. The titleholder, Mike Gerle, said it was one of his favorite shots. I took note, and this has become one of my staples ever since.
I had an emotional/physical crash on Sunday night, and a few people, most of whom I did not know, gathered together as my impromptu support group. As one person said, "This is what the weekend is really about" and I believe it's true.
When I talked about the memory/healing party and how we need to reclaim memories of the early HIV/AIDS era. One young man, with tears in his eyes, spoke of his lover who survived the '80s when none of his friends did, causing crushing survivor guilt.
I realized that I wanted to speak to him and those like him (including myself) about everyday heroes.
Yes, facing the ultimate with dignity is a heroic act., buto is surviving to tell the tale.
Facing down an overwhelming challenge on a daily basis and living one's life to the fullest is heroic. And a lot more work.
One more part for the memory/healing party fell into place; a time for people to honor and share stories of the everyday heroes in their lives, including themselves.
I am struck that the most notable points of the weekend were not from the contest proper, but in the individual interactions that occurred during the weekend. And I'm not including what may or may not have happened in the freight elevators. I'll leave that to your imagination.
2008:
In 2008, at the celebration of life for Tie James, I realized that part of my function, a dreadful honor to be sure, was to put all of his images together. His lover said that images I provided him gave him the chance to experience Tie's life before they met.
Pink party is a pre SF Pride event which includes a women's day in Dolores Park. I was initially intimidated by the prospect of covering a large group of women who did not know me. Would I be able to do justice to the Lesbian esthetic. How would they react?
So, as I entered Dolores Park, all I could see was a sea of overalls and athletic shirts. Greeeeen. I sucked it up and dove into the fray. I now thank two of the women in particular who responded well to my patter as I got their shots. I thought to myself, "Yeah, I can do this"
At the Folsom Street Fair, I covered the Big Muscle Party for the first time. As I entered the dance area, I was overwhelmed by the sheer mass of shirtless, sweaty beefcake. A fire marshal’s nightmare to be sure, and the greeeeeen, (I mean beeeeeeef) sensation came over me for a while again. Still, somehow I managed to make do with what space there was and got some amazing shots, including a couple of notable impromptu portraits.
2009:
2009 marked the passing of Mr Marcus Hernandez, long time pillar of the community and leather columnist for the Bay Area Reporter for decades. At times I worry that I would let notority get to my head, but seeing some of the most important people in the leather community fly in from around the country to honor him. I know there is no danger of becoming that notable. I also considered that his memory would fade for most people in a short time, but the work he did would have a continuing effect even after his death.
In 2009, the
Ms San Francisco Leather
competition was revived. I can still remember looking up the aisle directly at a woman's buttocks as she bent over a shopping card to be smacked. I rubbed my head and wondered
"how a Gay man could end up in THIS situation. O.K., sure, why not. "
2010:
In 2010, I made another presentation on shared stories and community cohesion. I was suprised that many women and younger men had no idea of the whole notion of survivor guilt.
Before the serious part, I made a humorous plea for compassion for studs. It's tempting to think people like that have it easy, but everyone has insecurities. Imagine a man at the gym wishing they had legs like their neighbor, while the neighbor wishes he had the arms of the other. Would you want to panic at gaining 2 pounds? Do you think the pain and effort they go through is easy?
2011:
It was very odd to be documenting the
last days of the SF Eagle
. Again, one thinks that people or institutions that have been around forever would continue to be around forever. Not so. Change happens. Get used to it.
0:15 minute vs Vid 0:27
And here we are today. (video background: Part 3 on YouTube)
So, Rich, you quit your day job to explore for a year or two. Two years have become six and counting. In those six years, you have archived well over 150,000 images and have covered upwards of 1000 events. ou have interacted with 10,000, probably tens of thousands of individuals of myriad sizes, shapes, colors, genders, fetishes and orientations.
You have documented many intimate moments, lots of tushes and kisses galore.
You have put six years of your life full time into this stuff and have dropped a pretty big chunk of change in the process. So what have you accomplished? Was it worth it? What have you learned?
Documenting an event is not the same as taking vacation shots. Photo books may cover the technical aspects, but rarely cover the interpersonal dynamics.
I have learned a few fundamental rules: Be there. Keep moving. Pay attention. Keep a sense of humor. Act with compassion.
Compassion: It is easy to think that someone over there has it easy. It is easy to be trapped by envy. We forget that it's human nature to feel insecure and have issues not seen at first glance. Compassion is different from pity. Pity, like envy, separates us from others, and isolation is deadly. Compassion is about indentifying parts of ourselves with others.
In general, I have been reminded that as a community, we are more of a fruit salad than a fruit smoothie. Each individual, each group has their own priorities and hot button issues. That said, it is also true that people are people. As humans we do share desires and fears, We all share the foibles of human nature.
People like to look good, especially in front of their peers. People do not want to look like show offs, and at times need permission to let go. By setting up the right context, they are just being good sports instead of looking foolish. People like to be acknowledged for what goes behind their presentation, and are often easier to work with using a bit psychological jujitsu.
And back we come.
"If you want to build community, tell me a story"
So, what does this mean to me?
We do not actually connect to a community,
we connect to each other as individuals
. What brings us together is our
shared experiences
, be it on the streeet, in the playroom or in a foxhole.
But there's more to it - by themselves, these bonds only last as long as the experience. You can share the most mind bending experience with someone, but if you don't remember it, the bonds do not last. Shared memories are what keep these bonds strong. And beyond that, shared stories make it possible to extend these bonds to others across time and space.
How important is it to me?
I see this as one way I can actually make a positive difference in my community. I have learned I an not necessarily adept at doing the one big game changer that often gets the press. Rather, I take it on faith that I am doing a little bit of good for a lot of people and that this adds up.
Why does it mean so much?
I lived through the 80's, unlike most ot my friends of the time did not make it. The panic and chaos of the time pushed me, like others, to suppress memories. I even managed to forget a man I loved deeply, forget that he even existed. I have few, if any, mementos of the time. I will not let that happen again, and I will do what it takes to build and maintain connections with people I know now.
To round out this talk, there is an acknowledgement that needs to be made.
RichTrove has captured many moments, a lot of joy and affection, and a good helping of eye candy.
It's true that RichTrove has delivered more than 150,000 images. But if that were the entire story,
all of the work, all of the expense would add up to nothing more that a bunch of bits
that fit into a portable hard drive. RichTrove captures the moments and delivers the images,
but it is you who share the stories
.
Thanks for playing.
Rich Stadtmiller,May 22,2011
